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What happened...
Jan. 4th, 2008 08:39 amAgain - as ever I am always touched by peoples on line responses.
I'm still feeling shell shocked. Some have asked what happened. Not much to say really.
This entry exlains her illness. Then last weekend she picked up the bug thats going around at the moment. This basically put a lot of strain on her breathing and meant she was in a lot of pain in her hips and lower back and was very uncomfortable.
The problem with MND is that it has left all her mental facilites fully intact so she was more than aware of her situation and the pain she was in. Rita and I went and spent Sunday night over with her (she has carers in most of the day and to get her up and to put her to bed late at night - however Harrow council didn't deem her worth while 24 hour care - but I'm not getting into that rant right now). She slept well Sunday night simply because we were there, her biggest fear was dying with no one there to find her (It's what happend to her mum) and she didn't want anyone in the family to find her. Monday we were back in contact with the MacMillain nurses who arranged late night cover for her Monday and Tuesday (we couldn't stay as we were both (and Rita still is) way too ill and the nurse in no uncertain terms told us to keep away for a bit to avoid the bug passing to mum). They couldn't get her into the hospice untill Wednesday for various reasons.
Anyway - Wednesday she was moved to the Saint Luke's Hospice in Kenton (if anyone is that way inclined rather than send flowers or cards bung them a couple of quid please - they were simply wonderful). She liked it from the moment she arrived in the afternoon and they listened to her and did what she asked and also made note of her wishes (my mother has a living will - do not atempt to revive etc).
Anyway the day passed as normal and when family left at 9 she was sitting up but still unwell. The nurses looked after her and put her on saline and antibiotic drips. Around midnight it became clear she was still in a lot of pain and they put her on different pain killers which worked. She fell asleep around 1.30. The Nurse checked her at two and two thirty and she was sleeping. When he checked at three she had stopped breathing. She died peacefully. Which is when we were called and when I posted. We saw her by around 3:45. and she looked peaceful which was a great relief to all of us.
Mum has had no real quality of life for several months she has been unable to walk, eat, lift her arms and over the last couple of weeks even turn over in bed. Its my belief she was keeping going simply by force of will and to see my nephew and neice at Christmas. The bug was taking all her energy to fight and even though she didn't really want to go on she would not give up. Then they took the pain away at the hospice and she knew she wasn't alone and I believe she just relaxed. Simply relaxed and let go. She had refused to be taken out of her own home for operations to put in feeding pegs and kept her independance for as long as she could but she could'nt keep it any longer. She stayed home and independent untill the end. She had said she just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up so many times over the last few weeks and I believe she did exactly what she wanted.
Now I just keep reaching for the phone to call her and see how she is. But shes not there. She was there for so many calls over the years. From London, Aylesbury, Saudi, Dubai, Tokyo, Los Angles, Florida and all the various places I've lived and worked she was always there when I called.
Now she never will be again :(
I'm still feeling shell shocked. Some have asked what happened. Not much to say really.
This entry exlains her illness. Then last weekend she picked up the bug thats going around at the moment. This basically put a lot of strain on her breathing and meant she was in a lot of pain in her hips and lower back and was very uncomfortable.
The problem with MND is that it has left all her mental facilites fully intact so she was more than aware of her situation and the pain she was in. Rita and I went and spent Sunday night over with her (she has carers in most of the day and to get her up and to put her to bed late at night - however Harrow council didn't deem her worth while 24 hour care - but I'm not getting into that rant right now). She slept well Sunday night simply because we were there, her biggest fear was dying with no one there to find her (It's what happend to her mum) and she didn't want anyone in the family to find her. Monday we were back in contact with the MacMillain nurses who arranged late night cover for her Monday and Tuesday (we couldn't stay as we were both (and Rita still is) way too ill and the nurse in no uncertain terms told us to keep away for a bit to avoid the bug passing to mum). They couldn't get her into the hospice untill Wednesday for various reasons.
Anyway - Wednesday she was moved to the Saint Luke's Hospice in Kenton (if anyone is that way inclined rather than send flowers or cards bung them a couple of quid please - they were simply wonderful). She liked it from the moment she arrived in the afternoon and they listened to her and did what she asked and also made note of her wishes (my mother has a living will - do not atempt to revive etc).
Anyway the day passed as normal and when family left at 9 she was sitting up but still unwell. The nurses looked after her and put her on saline and antibiotic drips. Around midnight it became clear she was still in a lot of pain and they put her on different pain killers which worked. She fell asleep around 1.30. The Nurse checked her at two and two thirty and she was sleeping. When he checked at three she had stopped breathing. She died peacefully. Which is when we were called and when I posted. We saw her by around 3:45. and she looked peaceful which was a great relief to all of us.
Mum has had no real quality of life for several months she has been unable to walk, eat, lift her arms and over the last couple of weeks even turn over in bed. Its my belief she was keeping going simply by force of will and to see my nephew and neice at Christmas. The bug was taking all her energy to fight and even though she didn't really want to go on she would not give up. Then they took the pain away at the hospice and she knew she wasn't alone and I believe she just relaxed. Simply relaxed and let go. She had refused to be taken out of her own home for operations to put in feeding pegs and kept her independance for as long as she could but she could'nt keep it any longer. She stayed home and independent untill the end. She had said she just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up so many times over the last few weeks and I believe she did exactly what she wanted.
Now I just keep reaching for the phone to call her and see how she is. But shes not there. She was there for so many calls over the years. From London, Aylesbury, Saudi, Dubai, Tokyo, Los Angles, Florida and all the various places I've lived and worked she was always there when I called.
Now she never will be again :(